Negotiating the Grey Areas

My horoscope in today's Washington Post said that I wouldn't be faced with very good things or very bad things, but that instead I'd be "negotiating the grey areas." Well, that was certainly food for thought, and ever since I read it (with my first cup of morning coffee) I've been looking out for the grey areas.

Are we all on the same page with that phrase? For me a grey area is something that is between two opposites -- often viewed as good or bad -- and requires the exercise of personal judgement. Like grey area between obsessing over an issue or a problem (and driving yourself crazy) and deciding to ignore it (I call that the Scarlett O'Hara approach, as in "I'll think about it tomorrow"). Or a grey area between being a helicopter  parent who schedules and supervises a child every waking moment, and the other kind of parent who perhaps shouldn't be a parent at all.

Some people don't seem to think there ARE grey areas. They come in all shapes and sizes, liberal and conservative, Christians and atheists. Things are either good or bad, actions are either right or wrong. There is no intermediate place where what's right or good for one person might be wrong or bad for another. Some people believe that abortion is always wrong, even to save the life of the mother. Other people believe that government intervention can solve all social problems, even when it leads to a dwindling of initiative and personal responsibility.

Back to the horoscope, and "negotiating" the grey areas. Interesting use of a word with more than one meaning. We negotiate a path that has pitfalls and obstacles in it, trying to avoid the bad places and make it safely to the end. We also negotiate deals, trying to find solutions that meets the minimum needs of both parties. In the case of grey areas, I think either meaning could apply. In the grey areas of morals and ethics we try to avoid the bad places. In the grey areas of interpersonal relations we try to find win-win solutions.

Grey areas call for thought and decision, not knee-jerk reaction. I think I successfully negotiated a grey area in my chaplain duties this afternoon. A 43-year-old man was brought to the busy emergency room, having suffered cardiac arrest, and could not be revived. He left a wife, two young sons and several other family members who were obviously close to him. While talking with his wife, I overheard his niece say that one of the ER staff made her angry. In tears, she said he passed the room where her late uncle was lying, looked in and said "We won't bother with that one." She wanted his name, so that she could lodge a complaint. I could easily have said, "How insensitive! I'll get you his name." Or I could have said, "I'm sure he didn't mean it that way." Instead I asked her if I could talk with him and she said yes. I explained the situation to him, and learned that he and another staff member were looking for a piece of equipment, checking each room. When he saw that this room held a recently-deceased patient, he did say those words, but meant that they would pass over the room in consideration of the deceased and his family. He was chagrined that the niece thought he was being insensitive and disrespectful, and asked me to express his apology to her, promising to be more careful in the future. I did, the niece listened to the story, and a serious problem was averted.

God gave us brains because he meant for us to think and to choose. In the April 23, 2010 edition of his "Turning Point" daily devotional, David Jeremiah wrote: "It would be nice to be told, when we leave on a long car trip, something like this: 'I want you to know that you are going to reach your destination safely and on schedule. Regardless of what happens en route--you may get lost, you may encounter a fierce rainstorm, and you may have a flat tire--don't worry. I am here to promise you that you will arrive.'" We've been given this promise by God concerning our spiritual journey, and it takes the form of grace. We shouldn't let obstacles along the road shake our confidence in God's promise. If we use our judgement wisely, grace is God's promise that we will arrive.